iboughtafuckinggateau:

Have you ever noticed how horrifying those smiley french fries are in groups?

they’re like

you’re burning us alive

our insides are melting

hELP US

(via thoughtsmanymilesaway)

One day I decide to take my bicycle out. But within the first five minutes of pedaling down Lemoine Avenue, my thighs begin to burn up. I’m confused; a few months back, I was able to bike down to Ross Dock and back up with ease. The first thing that comes to mind is, “Wow, I’m really out of shape. I now even suck at biking.” But later, a friend discovers that the tires are just deflated.

The irony is that I jumped to the conclusion that I must be the problem, when in fact, I was biking with really flat tires. I was too busy critisizing myself to even realize that the tires just needed air.

I haven’t been faring well in school over the past year. You can probably tell by the number of times I’ve been absent (or by how you forgot that I’m even in your class). Every day’s been a battle; I desperately struggle to simply make it to 8th period. And I’m not exaggerating when I say desperately struggle.

Sometimes life it takes you by the hair
Pulls you down before you know it, it’s gone
And you’re dead again
I’ve been places and I won’t pretend
Yeah I’d make it out just to fall on my head

You know those days when you want to just choose
To not get out of bed, you’re lost in your head again
You play the game but you kind of cut
Cause you’re coming down hard and your joints are all stuck

- “Helena Beat”

Truth is I’m sick of where I am. Literally. Interpret it as any way you’d like.

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What is humility?
Modesty? No, something beyond that.
Lowliness? Meekness? Not quite sure.

I thought I used to have it—even a word used to characterize me.

Now, I realize it is something I sorely lack. True humility. The humility that Jesus knows. The humility that Job accepted. The will to believe and surrender, no matter how grim the situation is. The will to fear, no matter how prideful you may get.

I ask for a humble heart. to understand and ultimately love. myself, each other, and God.

Too many times I’ve stumbled. In the woods, the open field, at dusk, in the morning. Too many times I’ve hurt. The chaos in my mind reappears when least convenient. I’ve been broken several times, but I haven’t put myself together quite right yet. I’ve been a stubborn, conceited baby, whining too often, never satisfied with himself. When will I learn?

a black stain on my heart,
it does not wash away,
piercing through the veins,
a blotch of ink that cannot be erased.

the pain and sorrow,
i thought that they were gone,
but in the recesses of mind,
they lurke and try to hide.

a black stain on my heart,
such a hideous sight to see,
so prideful, so lazy, so selfish,
loathing everything that i am.

the pain and sorrow,
ceaseless repitition, humdrum living,
a blank stare, tears rolling,
senseless agony, i cannot share.

it’s difficult to love who i am,
with this black stain on my heart,
feeling so undeserving, worthless,
helpless, i confess.

All it took was some time (and a little more effort on my part and tying loose ends). I think I can now remember who I am and used to be. Currently, working on who I want to be and will be. Thank you, everyone who’s been helping me along the way. I can finally walk (with a little more confidence) :)

just keep running, just keep running, just keep running

My tongue twists and scrambles,

my hand cramps and scribbles.

I can’t speak or write these days. Something keeps blocking me from it. Communicating’s been so difficult. Maybe that’s why I feel left out; I can’t express who I really am.

(via yummy-pie)